Attack on Conversation!
by Katsuri-Is-A-Cat
Summary: My friends and I are acting like idiots by having stupid conversations with the AoT characters. Come one come all to watch idiots at their finest! Rated for later chapters.
1. The Conversations Begin!

Author's Note

Hey guys! So Shadow and a couple of our friends were coming up with names for everyone by mixing their names with the names of Attack on Titan characters. I was like wait, is THIS really how we would talk to them? Then I was like, what would we say to them? So I was thinking how could I write about this? Then I remembered oh right you idiot there's fan fiction. Anyways this fan fic is supposed to be stupid and to laugh at. R and R!

XxX

Jean and Shadow

"Hello Jean."

"It's pronounced John."_  
_

"Well that's stupid, and I don't care."

"It's not stupid it's French!"

"I'll have have to ask Levi's about that."

"Why do I feel like I have THIS conversation with EVERYONE?"

"I don't know horse face."

"...Screw you!"

XxX

Anael and Levi

"Levi! You're missing the cleaning supply sale!"

"I'm already stocked up, Eren and Hanji got me tons for my birthday."

"Damn, I was riding on that. ANYWAYS how do you truly feel about Eren?"

"Oh the brat? I don't think much of him. He is useful for his powers though."

"Levi, you're making this way harder than it needs to be!"

"Um okaaay?"

XxX

Rykin and Armin

"So Armin do you any feelings for Eren? You seem to spend a lot of time around him."

"WHAT?!NO!"

"Who is it then? Jean, Levi...?WAIT I'VE GOT IT!YOU LIKE GIRS!"

"Boys typically do."

"Ohhhhhh you're a boy! This explains a lot!"

"Why do I have this conversation with everyone I meet?"

"But did you know that your sister is in a relationship with Ymir?"

"KRISTA IS NOT MY SISTER! I DON'T HAVE ONE!"

"Oh I thought you two were twins."

"I really hate my life sometimes."


	2. How to Screw with Levi!

Anael and Mikasa

"MIKASAAAAAA! I CAN'T BELIVE YOU STOLE MY BOYFRIEND!"

"Excuse me?"

EREN! YOU STOLE EREN FROM MEEEEEEEEE!"

"I don't think Eren even knew you. I don't even know you."

"EREN DOESN'T REMEMBER ME!?"

"..."

"..."

" I'll be going now"

Rykin and Levi

"Hey Levi did you create the Levi brand?"

"For the last time, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, BRAT!"

"Jeez Levi calm down or do we need to bring in Eren?"

"What does Eren have to do with me?!"

"Wait you don't love Eren?"

"WHAT IS THIS!?"

"..."

"I DON'T LIKE EREN IN THAT WAY!"

"Then what way DO you like him?"

"Fuck off, brat."

Shadow and Eren

"Eren! Let's play 20 questions!"

"Uhhh ok?"

"What do you think about the many names for the Survey Corps?"

"Well it was really confusing at first bu-"

"EREN! The Female Titan has Levi and The Colossal Titan has Mikasa! You have a limted amount of time so you can only save one! WHO DO YOU SAVE?"

"WHAT!? I'LL SAVE MIKASA FIRST WITH THE 3-D GEAR THEN I'LL USE MY TITAN POWERS TO SAVE LEVI! BYE!"

"...I didn't think he'd take it seriously."

XzX

I'll try to update sooner! I hope you're enjoying! R and R!


	3. Shadow Almost Did Something!

Shadow and Levi

"Levi!"

"What do you want, brat?"

"I'm trying to write AoT fan fiction but you made it hard."

"How could I have possibly done that?"

"Beacuuuuuse! You and the Survey Corps have like 20 names!"

"First, my name is Levi. Second, I didn't start all the other names for the Survey Corps."

"...oh"

"Might I ask what this story is about?"

"Uhhhhhh *cough LevixEren cough*"

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"

"..."

"WHAT IS THIS LEVI LOVES EREN THING?!"

"...god I'm screwed."

"YOU KNOW WHAT?! SCREW YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS, BRAT! I'M GOING TO COMPLAIN TO EREN!"

"I DID IT! I MADE LEVI ADMIT IT!"

"Fuck this! I'm going to clean!"

" I won the Hunger Games! I killed the titans! I don't fail at life anymore! WOOT! WOOT!"

Anael and Eren

"Why did you guys have to go and make Levi all upset?"

"Oh that? Heh heh."

"Do you know how hard it is to calm down a pissed Levi?"

"Heh ha ha."

"And what was with that stupid 'joke' your friend made?"

"BWA HA HAHA!"

"...I got in a lot of trouble."

"AH HAHAHA HAHA HA!"

"..."

"STOP! STOP! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

Rykin and Ymir

"Hello Ymir."

"What do you want?"

"My friend wanted me to ask this."

"Mhm."

"How do you make things work with Chri- uh Historia?"

"What do you mean?"

"Ugh this is hard!"

"Can't you just explain what your friend meant?

"Not really..."

"Then why are we still having this conversation?"

"Uhhh I don't really know."

"Mkay. Bye awkward girl!"

"Bye?"

XzX

Sorry, homework always sucks even if its short! And forever, I shall fail at life!


	4. The Special Guest!

A/N

Why hello chidren of the internet! Sorry for the lack in quality and staying updated to the site. Athough I would like to inform you that I'm curently workining on posting atleast 3 new stories. Comments are appreceted. Anyways, I shall quit boring you with my authors note! ON WITH THE STORY! P.S. Special guest this chapter!

* * *

Shadow and Hanji

"Why hello Hanji!"

"Ahh so it was you who was screwing with Levi?"

"Heh. That was fun. Anyways I have thought up many theories on titans."

"Wha!? Oh I'd love to hear them!"

"Ah, ah, ah! I don't think so!"

"Eh?!"

"You're a stranger to me!"

"What?! Noooo! But titan theories!"

"Mommy will yell at me if I go off with strangers!"

"You said earlier you're parents were dead!"

"Maybe I did! Maybe I didn't!"

Dystopia and Petra

"WHERE'S LEVIIIIIII?!"

"Off somewhere, being pissed at my sister and her friend."

"Can you make sure he doesn't kill someone for me?"

"Eh, I'll try."

"Thanks. Hey, I've got a question."

"What?"

"I died to the female titan. How am I here talking to you?"

"My reaper powers allow me to bring people back from the dead and turn them into spirits."

"What?"

"Grr. I'm magic, like Eren."

"Ha ha."

"But since you have questions, I'm afraid you have to die."

WHAT!?"

"DIE MOTHERFUDGER!"

"LEVIIIIIIIIIIIII! HELP MEEEEEEE!"

Anael and Armin

"You know you're a completely usless character."

"I know."

"Mikasa is anoyed by always saving you."

"I know."

"You weren't even ON the character popularity poll."

"I FUCKING KNOW!"

"..."

" I'M A USLESS CHARACTER AND EVERYONE HATES ME!"

"Couldn't have said it better!"

* * *

Aww poor Armin! R and R!


	5. The Return of Levi!

A/N

HA HA MOTHERFUDGERS! BET YOU SAY THE LAST OF ME! BUT I STILL NEED TO TORMENT THE AoT PEEPS! Okay, that's done. Our special guest is back! Along with one of the most fierce, most amazing, most jerky characters in Attack on Titan! (I bet you don't know who the latter was!)

Dystopia and Levi

"..."

"Aw come on Levi!"

"..."

"Quit giving me the silent treatment!"

"..."

"Levi you're acting childish!"

"I'm not childish. The Rouge Titan is."

"That's better. Why aren't you using his actual name?"

"Because! The last time I talked to one of you idiots all they did was make stupid remarks about him and I being in love!"

"Levi! I can't believe you! You're as strong as an entire brigade! You're act completely emotionless! You care greatly for your soldiers and humanity! You are the amazing Levi! Yet this small problem is what breaks you?! Be stronger than that!"

"You know what? You're right!"

"Who will lead humanity's victory?"

"I will!"

"Who will ruthlessly kill the titans?"

"I will!"

"Who will become Eren's lover?"

"I will- WAIT, WHAT!?"

Krista and Shadow

"Let's play 20 Questions!"

"Uh okay?"

"First ten! Is Krista your real name? Are you Armin's twin? Are you in a relationship with Ymir? How do you feel about your parents? Do you like the Survey Corps? Do you like Mikasa in any way?"

"No. No. Yes. Hate them. Meh. As a big sister. Hey, there was only 6 questions. You said the first ten."

"So, what if I did?"

"What are the other four?"

"The world may never know. HOOT HOOT!"

"Well I'm done with your crazy mind."

Dystopia and Marco

"I envy you, I really do."

"Why is that, I'm dead. Well, I'm supposed to be dead.

"B-because. I'LL NEVER BE HALF THE MAN YOU WERE! WHOOO!"

"Really?"

"Yes, because that was only HALF THE JOKE! WHOOO!"

"Ouch. This is starting to hurt. When will you stop?"

"*snort* IN HALF THE TIME IT TOOK YOU TO GET HERE! WHOOO!"

"Oh just kill me again!"

"Fine...I'LL CUT YOU DOWN THE MIDDLE! WHOOO!"

"...jackass."

* * *

Sorry for any Marco fans out there but with my horrid humor, you should have seen it coming. Also sorry for using Dystopia twice. I just had to do the last one. I'm really mean.


	6. Messed Up Plot

A/N

Did you miss me my children of the Darkness? *crickets* Ouch. I'm hurt. Anyways, the mean lot of you have actually made me fear doing fanfics in categories other than Attack on Titan. Thanks. Please, don't become a Flamer. For one thing they make the author feel really sucky. Second light hurts my kind and the Darkness has enough problems already! Well, I guess I should shut up and get on with the story. Enjoy! Warning!: Shadow and Ymir combined, oh my! (strong language)

Heavy Spoilers! Beware!

Ymir and Shadow

"Why are you so strong and careless sometimes?"

"Carless? No. Don't give a fuck about the world sometimes? Yes."

"Oh."

"Strong? No. I am Christa's protector? Yes."

"Mmm."

"Why? Are you one of those prissy girls who talks about hair and shit?"

" 't you describing Christa though?"

"You're death wish is granted."

"I'm fucked!"

Hanji and Dystopia

"So I hear you go against the laws of nature."

"Eh?"

"You bring people back to life."

"Who have I brought back to life with this supposed magical power of mine?"

"Petra and Marco."

"You know to much.*pulls out scythe* And know you're going to die."

"Touch me and I will sic an angry titan Eren on you."

"What? No Bertholt or Reiner would be worse."

"Why?"

"Well Bertholt is the Colossal Titan and Reiner is the Armored Titan."

"What!?"

"Wait you didn't know?"

"Nobody knew!"

"Oh shit! I screwed up the plot!"

The King and Anael

"You disgust me."

"What?!"

"You sit on your throne all day eating fucking diamonds with you MP buddies, drinking up the people's taxes!"

"It's not me who steals all their taxes! It's the useless Survey Corps!"

"The Survey Corps are useless!?"

"That's what I said. It's them everyone hates. Everyone loves me!"

"The people like the Wallists more than you!"

"What!? How dare you talk to me like that!"

"You know what? I'm done. I'm just done."

* * *

You know, I agree with Anael. Don't you? Leave it in the comments if you agree that you prefer the Survey Corps, hell even the Wallists over The King! Bai~


	7. The Ominous Fanart!

A/N

BONJOUR MOTHERFUDGERS! MISS ME?! No? Okay, I'll go. END OF ST- What's that Dystopia? Your saying if I don't finish this your going to end my life now? Well what if I don't wanna!? *gets a scythe and a flashlight pointed at her* Alright, alright. Well guys I'm sorry but your stuck with me 'till like, chapter 20 or 30. Welp, on with the chapter! P.S. I'm doing something a bit different this chapter.

XxX

Eren, Shadow, and Dystopia

"Shadow did you remember the fanart?"

"The fanart?"

"Yes the fanart."

"What's fanart?"

"Shut up Eren. Fanart? Oh fanart! Which one though?"

"Which one of what?"

"Shut up Eren. You know THAT fanart?"

"Oh yeah! THAT fanart. Heh heh."

"Seriously, what are you talking about?"

"Eren, can you be quiet for one goddamn second?!"

"Hmpth."

"Dear God this is so good, Dystopia! He doesn't know what's going on in the slightest!"

"He doesn't even know what Ereri is!"

"What in the hell are you talking about!?"

"Ha ha ha ha! You really don't know."

"What the fuck is going on!?"

"We're not telling. Heh heh ha!"

"GODDAMNIT TELL ME!"

"Jeez calm down Jeagerbombastic."

"Wow Shadow that was actually good! Heh."

"I now understand why Levi was so pissed with you jackasses."

XxX

Krista and Anael

"Hello."

"Hi Krista."

"The last time I talked to one of you, she acted insane."

"Oh that's just Shadow. She's about as harmless as Armin."

"Is this 'Shadow' girl okay? Ymir said she murdered her or something."

"Nah. Sadly, Shadow is still alive. As well as Dystopia."

"What do you mean by 'sadly'?"

"I mean that both of them are a pain in the ass."

"Oh. Like Eren?"

"Imagine Eren, like, 35 times worse. And two of him."

"Ah. I feel sorry for you. Say, are they the guys every one is talking about?"

"Yes. They like to piss people of. Apparently Levi the most."

"Yeah I heard about that thing with Levi. He was very, very pissed."

"Say, did you have a good Christamas?"

"What now?"

"Christamas. Did you have a good Christamas? I bet Ymir did."

"Speaking of Ymir, I think I her calling me. Bye!"

"Bye!"

XxX

Hanji and Dystopia

"Hi Hanji."

"Hi."

"Say, you like titan theories."

"Yes!"

"Have you ever thought that titans are just normal sized humans and humans are really small people?"

"Uh...No?"

"I mean come on! Did none of you ever stop to question that fact that the trees are way to big?"

"No because were to busy trying to stay alive in titan territory!"

"Oh yeah there's that. What about when you get back behind the walls?"

"Counting casualties."

"Oh."

"You done y-"

"DYSTOPIA OUT!"

"...Okay then."

* * *

So what did you think about the three person thing? Good? Bad? Confusing? Leave it in the comments! Goodbye Children!


	8. Yumikuri Special Part 1

A/N: There are HUGE manga spoilers so beware!

TTTTT

A short boy dressed in a suit walked onto a stage holding a plate of curry. The stage had black two couches, sitting across from each other. On one there was two teens, both girls. The boy walked in front of the two, still holding the curry, and finally spoke.

"Would you like a spicing hot plate of Yumikuri?"

"What is that? It sounds like a mixture of our names," The blonde teen questioned.

Suddenly, the boy threw the plate at the taller woman and began to speak.

"'Tis I! Your devishily handsome Reaper friend, Dystopia! Today I will be hosting the Attack on Conversation: Yumikuri Special!" Dystopia was suddenly enveloped in a swirl of gray mist. When all was gone, Dystopia had his scythe on his back, he was dressed in a black hoddie with a skull, and black pants. He turned to the teens after his grand entrance, grinning.

"If you are unfamiliar with the two people involved with this ship, I shall introduce you to them. The lovely blonde goddess is commonly known as Christa Lenz or by real name Historia Reiss! The arrogant, smartass, Historia fan girl is known as Ymir!" He anounced loudly

"What. The. Hell!?" Ymir seethed

Dystopia snickered, "You've got something there."

"Fuck. You."

"Ymir, just calm down."

"Let hurt him, okay? I won't murder him I promise."

Suddenly, a girl walked on to the stage, in the same fashion as Dystopia. She walked over beside Ymir and stood there.

"My it's getting hot in here."

She turned the cup of water upside down, over Ymir's head. But instead of emptying, the water kept a steady flow. The girl grinned and turned the cup up.

"It be I! The tomboyish protecter of the Dunkelheit! Shadow!" Shadow was enveloped in a swirl of black mist and small curls of purple. The mist cleared and Shadow was dressed in a black cloak, an AoT satchel, and small gray horns peeking out from her short black hair.

Dystopia grinned, "The old non-emptying water glass trick, eh?"

"There's another fucking one!?" Ymir shouted

"Say did you ever manage to get the other two?" Dystopia asked, ignoring Ymir

"Yes and it was hell."

"Good. Enough with this clever wordplay, puns, and other manner of humor! It is time for the questions!" Dystopia spun around and faced the camera

Shadow pulled Dystopia to the second couch and opened her satchel. She pulled out a large stack of paper.

"Before we start I would like to mention that there will be MAJOR manga spoilers! Beware!" Shadow warned the viewers

"Yea shut up Shadow!"

"First question! Ymir, How could you not get in the top ten graduates in training?" Shadow started

"I wasn't trying," Ymir said, uninterested.

"Well you could have fu-"

" Are you sure there wasn't any other reason? Hmmmm? Maybe she decided to just dance instead."

Shadow turned twoards Dystopia,"You would not."

Dystopia cockily grinned,"I would."

Shadow turned to the camera. " We will be back after this outrage."

"Heheheh"

"YOU SON OFA-"

-~Technical Difficulties-~

"Alright everyone! We're back! But after a calm talk, we've decide we're going skip questions. Anael!" Shadow cheerfully said

A tall blonde girl walked on to the stage dragging to grey coloured copies of Ymir and Christa, both clearly looking angry. The girl took a breath and left them next to the couch with the original Ymir and Christa. As she was walking towards backstage, she stopped in front of Dystopia, who had clearly gained a few head injuries.

"You had it coming," Anael said shaking her head.

Shadow smirked and waited until Anael was gone before beginning to speak.

"You may be wondering why these to copies are so pissed with each other. Well, they are the manga Ymir and uh, Historia. Let's just say stuff happened."

"You bet stuff fucking happened! It's no wonder how I can't trust anyone!" Historia growled

"Oh come on! I was forced to do it!" Ymir argued back

"Oh sure!"

"Well exuse me if my stupidly small titan can't go against the fucking Collasal Titan!"

"Whoever said that you had to do anything in titan form? All I'm saying is that at least a warning would've been nice!"

"How in the hell was I suppose to know that Berthold and Reiner would try something?!"

"Okay! Okay! Break it up! Yeesh. How about we let bygones be bygones for the next twenty-ish minutes?" Shadow quickly intervened

The two huffed and turned away with crossed arms. The anime Ymir and Christa, however, were looking quite dumbfounded.

"Should we even try? I mean, we're running out of time?" Shadow questioned Dystopia

Dystopia thought for a second before replying, "Nah, I like when they're confused."

Anime Christa raised her hand, her face showing curiosity and a small amount of fear.

"No questions." Dystopia said, quickly dismissing her.

Shadow looked down at her watch and frowned. "We don't have enough time to start what we planned. I think we should wrap this up for now and have another part later."

Dystopia nodded. "Sounds good. Well anyway folks, we were the sarcasticly annoying duo, Shadow and Dystopia. Sorry we couldn't finish this today but remember, this will now have a second part so look out for that! Bye!"

The camera panned out leaving the Ymir and Christa utterly confused, and the other two still pissed at each other.


End file.
